Heartless
by Aleksasha
Summary: Twisted around a brilliant cardio surgeon Cristina Yang – an independent and caring person at the same time. The story throws the readers back to Cristina's high school years and playing with the symbol of heart, explores one specific episode that determined her future medical career.


Title: Heartless.

This fanfiction is inspired by the American medical drama series – Grey's Anatomy. It is twisted around a brilliant cardio surgeon Cristina Yang – an independent and caring person at the same time. The story throws the readers back to Cristina's high school years and playing with the symbol of heart, explores one specific episode that determined her future medical career.

Rated: T – English - Humor/Romance/Tragedy – Chapters: 4 – Yang Cristina, Ryan Evan.

Notes: bold _**Italics**_ indicates Cristina's thoughts

I.

Cristina hears her heart beating right in her ears. She ties her curly hair into a ponytail and runs faster across the school hallway: the door of biology lab will be closed in a second. She does not notice people around and thinks that her schedule definitely needs some correction because she was not planning to run between her classes this semester and swallow donuts instead of lunch. When she enters the classroom, all desks are occupied and the only place left is next to the guy indifferently checking his phone.

 _ **Thanks, Universe, for the worst lab partner ever. Hope, this is because diamonds are made under pressure, so I should cherish it.**_

The guy takes his mind off texting and Cristina can recognize Evan Ryan in him: the guy known for his "I don't care about you" life motto. Ginger hair, pale skin and sharp cheekbones definitely give him a privilege among the girls, but surprisingly he does not seem to enjoy this privilege. Girls love to say that there is no way to conquer his heart because Evan lacks this organ. Since he transferred to Cristo Rey High School he never dated any girl for longer than a week and even rejected Hanna Roberts when she offered to escort him to the charity concert. Cristina, however, was never charmed by Evan's insensitiveness and used to make jokes about the inferiority complex she attributed to him.

 _ **No one is going to ruin my favorite class. Especially, not this brainless smug.**_

Cristina proceeds to the desk and gives a glance that is supposed to make Evan move his backpack from a seat next to him and deliver a welcoming speech to the biology goddess. It does not work, however.

"My! Cristina Yang is going to calculate my pulse rate today, isn't she? If this is a dream, don't wake me up."

"Do me a favor and switch to a silent mode."

Cristina notices the lab title "Heart Rate" and can't hold a chuckle.

 _ **So I was chosen to gather a scientific evidence of his heartlessness. Not a perfect way to reveal my brilliance.**_

"If we get A, I'll take you out."

"What?!" Cristina does not get the point for a second.

"I know it's hard to believe, but GPA is worth it, right?" Evan flutters his eyelids in the most innocent manner.

"It's impossible!"

Cristina jumps from a chair and makes everyone in class look at them. The girl prims her lips and starts whispering.

"I would never waste my time talking to the pig like you. You must have some mental problems if you think that your pretty face makes you worth something. You are unique though: I never met such a narcissistic airhead before."

After this being said, Cristina gets her emotions back under control, smiles politely and spends the rest of the class pretending that there is no one sitting next to her. She does not need a scientific experiment to test the heartlessness of her neighbor.

II.

"They have written that I am a perfect candidate with …", she imitates the automatic female voice and continues "the outstanding academic results and impressive psychological maturity"! God, I'll get this letter framed. They want me there, Jess. I will be a great neurosurgeon one day!"

Cristina cried this out loud but still could not hear her own words because of the music. This morning she received the acceptance letter from Harvard Medical school and felt so crazily happy that even promised her best friend Jessica to come to the beach party that night.

Now Cristina was "dancing her emotions out" and felt like the world is at her feet. She was wearing a striped shirt, shorts and a baseball cap. Her hair felt as independent as their owner that night. She even decided to try a cocktail with some crazy name and felt brave and unstoppable when Evan appeared with a surfboard dressed in a blue hoodie favorably highlighting his ginger hair. He was immediately surrounded by a gaggle of pretty girls demonstrating their bikinis.

"Are you so stupid to consciously let your hearts be broken? What is wrong with you, my flowers?"Cristina was surprised by her own voice, but turned to Evan and kept smiling.

"That was good, huh? I've just successfully started a heart rescue mission."

The girls felt discouraged and rushed to leave the battlefield. Now Kristina and Evan remained alone. She was struggling to tie her hair and noticed him smiling.

"What? This smile works from a distance and some pretty girl will be caught now? "

"This girl is quite close. But she is not really in the mood."

"What are you talking about?"

"You are drunk, Yang."

"So what? I am a force of nature tonight. Isn't it too hot here?"Cristina laughs and starts to take off her snickers.

"We could find a more secluded place, but if you like crashing waves…"

Cristina laughs and rushes to the ocean. There is no way she can be stopped and Evan notes how charming is this energetic young woman with her little concern about him and unswerving determination. But a second later he realizes that this self-confidence is dangerous and she can drown!

Evan catches up with Cristina and after some struggle in water puts her on his shoulder and carries to the beach. Cold water sobers Cristina down, she sits on the sand and shivers with cold. Evan sits next to her, so the girl glances with curiosity and a mute request. He understands it, takes his hoodie off and gives it to Cristina. As always, she got what she wanted without pleading. For some minutes they remain silent and stare at the dark ocean.

"Listen. It's not that I'm very interested, but you are not a jerk actually, are you?"

Evan looks surprised and even nervous, so Cristina immediately regrets about her question.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, everyone knows you don't get close to people. Since you transferred to our school, you did not get any close friends or shared anything personal with people. Girls like you, but they are scared. Nobody knows the story of Evan Ryan and feels free to make up their own… Attempted suicide, had an affair with a teacher, does drugs… Once I talked to a girl assured that you are a vampire… "

Cristina laughs, but clams up when notices Evan's distant eyes. After a while he starts to talk, and his voice sounds differently as if he struggles with himself.

"A year ago I was diagnosed with a dilated cardiomyopathy. When I first knew it, I decided to hide this from everyone and asked parents to do the same. I wanted to go on with the normal life as long as possible. However, my friends were suspicious about my absences in school and refusal to party with them (too much fun kills people with cardiomyopathy). Somehow they figured out about my disease and changed in one moment. It was impossible to watch them taking pity on me. People knew there is no future for me and although they cared about me more that before I felt completely abandoned."

Evan draws circles on the sand with his snicker and takes a breath before continuing.

"I decided to change this and picked Cristo Rey High School because people there were not interesting to me and I was not risky to bond with anyone. I planned to keep distance and selfishly hide my personality. It worked.. Until I saw you."

"What?"

Cristina feels herself a stupid little girl ashamed of all ironic words she said about Evan this day. That was a big mistake to judge him superficially and blame for the 'heartlessness'.

 _ **But did he say I changed something?**_

"First, I found you an annoying snobby girl focused on herself. You evoked some emotions, although it was anger, it brought me back to human life. I started watching you and became confident that you are special. This cold irony of your words was softened by a caring warmness of your eyes. You had these plans for the bright future and I was angry because I knew there is no place in this future for me. I gave up and pretended to be a heartless bastard. But today… your words… and… Now you know everything, Yang."

Evan was embarrassed and pretentiously studied his fingers.

"Evan Ryan", - Cristina tasted his name and smiled. She put her head on his shoulder and decided to think about it all later.

III.

"Shit! Why couldn't we order some Chinese food?" Cristina was in her pajamas and struggled to get proper pancakes.

"Because it's a breakfast!"

"Yeah… By the way, why you didn't call me before coming? You know I think mornings are the least romantic time when you study during the night."

"Your studies begin in a month, so I'm here to help you to chill out. And, Cristina, what about our plan to do crazy things?"

"Come on! I'd rather swim with sharks than cook pancakes!"

Evan smiles and puts some dough on Cristina's nose.

It's been almost half a year since their lives have unexpectedly crossed. The next day after the Evan's confession Cristina came to him and announced that the isolation is over and she needs him to make her last summer before college unforgettable: "We two restricted ourselves from real living. But, come on, I'm not a superwoman and I need some risks, failures and spontaneous moments of childish happiness, so do you". She signed stickers saying that they "promise to risk their heart with new experiences" and felt connected from that moment.

When the pancake battle is over Cristina and Evan go to the terrace to have a breakfast. Cristina's cat Harry follows them because he knows that since Evan appeared in his owner's life, he lost his possession of Cristina's heart and now she is about to make amends through pancakes.

"You know, it's pretty weird to have a "pajamas breakfast" next to you. I know I'm awesome in any clothes." Cristina can't remain serious anymore and laughs sonorously, so the birds would feel outdone by her voice.

"It feels like we are an elderly married couple with a lot of pleasant memories to discuss during the breakfast. "

"Pleasant? Well, we almost died when you let me ride your bike…"

"And almost arrested when you decided to have a picnic near the Boston Court."

"But that was you who started singing Sinatra there!"

"We signed the stickers, remember?"

"Yep, and… And I love these moments."

"And I love you."

Cristina is stricken by these words. She knows that Evan could just follow the moment and say this without thinking of what it actually means, so she feels confused and just smiles.

"Let's share some pancakes with Harry! Look at his pleading eyes! Evan's voice sounds cheerfully, but Cristina feels how he moved away from her at that moment."

After Evan leaves, Cristina spends her day working on her college assignments, but feels like something big is about to happen. Her heart beats faster and the stomach is doing some acrobatics. She is studying the muscles names, but imagines Evan eating pancakes on the terrace. In the evening, she is ready to accept what is going on with her. She is grateful to Evan for the new world they discovered together and most important, new Cristina that is born. She decides to call him and say all this, to say that she loves him too.

"Evan, this is me. I just wanted to say that I want to eat pancakes with as an elderly couple one day…"

"Cristina? A sobbing female voice responds on that side. I am his mother. Evan was hospitalized with a pulmonary thromboembolism about an hour ago."

IV.

Cristina hears the heart beating right in her ears. She opens the door of the waiting room and enters the long blue hallways of Lahey Hospital. She hardly breathes and at the same time is surprised to find all her senses getting intensified. It seems like the world has slowed down and got brighter. Cristina notices the dolphins of the medical cap of a child doctor and feels the specific smell of medicines and disinfecting soap. The heart beat she hears is not just an organic background for the hospital setting. It appeared when the doctor with long fingers and grey eyebrows said that they have done everything, but it was impossible to restart Evan's heart. At that moment Cristina did not get what was said and waited for some other words from that doctor. But he just primed his lips and left the room. The girl could not see Evan's mother hysterics and left the room. Now she had finally some thought shaped in her mind.

 _ **He was not heartless! No!His heart was not only pumping blood, but also loving life and giving this love to me. I could not save it… But I will learn how to do this and save other hearts. There is only one way for me now, and this is cardio surgery.**_


End file.
